EP. 004 - SAMANTHA

Photo Credit - Samantha Paige

SAMANTHA PAIGE -'LAST CUT'

Feeler. Questioner. Alien

Age: 44

Location: Los Angeles, California

I was diagnosed with cancer at 21. Instead of dealing with the trauma of my diagnosis, I bypassed the full spectrum of my experience by immediately looking for the gift. The silver lining we seek to make sense of life’s chaos. Asking what Samantha wanted or needed required too much honest self-reflection, so I began outsourcing guidance from society instead of looking for it within. I gave up my power. Thus, my connection to Self was severed.

Years later, my life looked great on paper. I was doing things society said would make me happy. I had a great job. I got married. But at the end of the day, none of those things filled me. Years after my divorce, I got engaged again and underwent a soul-crushing breakup rooted in betrayal, but what was more painful was admitting that I had been betraying myself for years by giving away my power. This woke me up. I began making changes to ensure that who I was on the inside aligned with my actions and choices out in the world. I call these “last cuts”, decisions that create connection between self and action. Adjustments that bring us closer to our truth.

Photo Credit - Lisa Fields

I underwent a preventative double mastectomy followed by (big) silicone implants. I lived with these reconstructed breasts for 8 years and felt completely detached from that part of myself. My body never felt like my own. I decided to remove the implants and live with a flat chest. Rejecting what society told me was beautiful not only helped me recall my power, it also improved my health.

Today, I live with a clear and firm devotion to the truth. My truth. I lived for too long in the absence of feeling a connection to self and that disconnect manifested illness, heartbreak, and loss. I was numbed and dimmed. I’ve learned that when we honor the place in us that is true, we can see and honor it more clearly in others. This is how we cut away old worlds and birth new ones.